


Remembering Family

by DrowningInTheRainbow



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Batarians, Colonist (Mass Effect), M/M, shepard's backstory, shepard's parents
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-10
Updated: 2016-08-10
Packaged: 2018-08-07 20:17:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7728385
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DrowningInTheRainbow/pseuds/DrowningInTheRainbow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Things aren't always as they seem. Sometimes we lie to protect the ones we love. Sometimes we lie to the ones we love to protect ourselves.</p><p>Shepard tells Kaidan a long held secret about his past.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Remembering Family

**Author's Note:**

> Partially inspired by the Mass Effect Wiki page for Commander Shepard which notes that the John/Jane default name is used in the same fashion as John/Jane Doe for unidentified corpses.

“Like… a fawn?” Kaidan asked, barely holding in laughter.

Shepard rolls his eyes. “Yes, like a fawn.”

Kaidan bursts into laughter. “But you’re like, the most threatening man in the universe.”

“Yes, I don’t know _what_ my parents were thinking.” Shepard said, quietly.

Kaidan sobered up. “I— I’m sorry, Commander. I wasn’t thinking.” Shepard was silent. “Listen, I…” Kaidan stops for a moment. He sits down next to Shepard and reaches out to pull Shepard’s chin to face him. He leans in and presses their mouths together in a chaste kiss. “I love you. I know your parents would be proud of the man you’ve become, everything you’ve done for the galaxy. The fact you’re going to be raising two beautiful children.”

Shepard pulls away from Kaidan and stands up, looking back out at the stars. “I’m not so sure…” He looks back at Kaidan. “There are some things I’ve never told anyone, Kaidan. Things I think make me… a bad person. I don’t want to be a bad parent too.”

Kaidan immediately stands up and wraps Shepard in his arms. Uncharacteristically, the Commander collapses into them. Kaidan is surprised but comforts his lover all the same. “You can tell me anything, Shepard,” Kaidan whispers.

Shepard stills for only a moment, then whispers back, “Don’t think bad of me, please.”

“I could never.”

Shepard pulls away enough while still having Kaidan’s arms around him to look Kaidan in the eyes, checking for sincerity. Finding it, he begins, “The morning of the raid, I remember it so well. I was working out in my mother’s garden, freshly eighteen. My father was getting ready to send some of her flowers to the market and she was having trouble deciding which ones. Her lilies were beautiful, of course, but her father could always get more for the petunias, not to mention her natural sunflowers. It was just a playful argument and I thought it was sweet. By the middle of the day, they had settled their dispute and I helped my father pack up three cases of lilies and three cases of mixed batches. My mother was packing a lunch for him.”

Shepard stops and looks into Kaidan’s eyes. Then drops a bit of an… implication: “At least, that’s what I told the Alliance officials when they asked me.” At Kaidan’s confused face, he continued quickly. “Alliance brass wanted to know how the batarians so easily found the Mindoir colony, let alone how they found it when it was the least defenseless, at the peak of harvest, and targeted the most populated area of the colony.”

Shepard turns away from Kaidan, pulling out of his arms once more. He continues, solemn, “The truth is — Maker, I’m so ashamed — the truth is that my parents and I were orchestrating the raid. My parents were sleeper agents on Mindoir, working for the batarian Hegemony. They were ex-slaves who swore to the Hegemony in their youth. Batarians aren’t known for using sleeper agents, I know, but I also know what they taught me. They swore allegiance to the Hegemony in exchange for their freedom. The Hegemony agreed under the condition they supplied the Hegemony with slaves from a human colony. Thirteen long years passed with constant threats from the Hegemony. Finally, the day came and they provided.

“But it didn’t go according to plan, obviously. The Hegemony wasn’t too happy about that waiting period. Batarians live about as long as humans, so it wasn’t much of a grudge to hold. We lived on the outskirts of the village and when the raiders hit, they wasted no time in torching my house to the ground, my parents were still inside. I was in the village, my parents told me I needed to be there to start a panic. Looking back, I think they just wanted to protect me. The batarians had intended to take me with them, but when the raid went south — an Alliance cruiser was spotted making its way towards Mindoir — the batarians decided I wasn’t worth the effort. They left me for the Alliance and that was my saving grace. There were no other survivors — free ones, at least — not until years later and by then the survivors were too brain addled to remember my or my parents’ involvement, like Talitha.

“I did my part and rose through the ranks. Over time, I lost the mindset my parents had, their devotion to the Hegemony. I never heard from the batarian Hegemony again, even after all the press these last few years. No one revisited that day on Mindoir. When the colony was rebuilt they wanted to build a statue in honor of my survival. I declined.” Shepard braced his hands on the glass in front of him, his head to the floor. He dared a glance at Kaidan.

Kaidan had his arms crossed, but his face was a blank slate. He didn’t react at all, so Shepard said, “Um, that’s it. That’s all I have to say. I can— I can leave, if you want.” He started to exit from their shared quarters but Kaidan reached out and grabbed his arm.

Kaidan didn’t turn Shepard around, but pulled Shepard back to his chest and rested his slightly taller head on top of Shepard’s. “I don’t know what to say, to be honest,” he mused for a moment but continued, “I can’t be angry or disgusted, considering all the good you’ve done for the world. I can’t be suspicious because you’re a shit sleeper agent if you are one,” Shepard chuckled at that, “but I can’t lie and say I’m sorry for your parents, and I can’t say I’m sorry for you either, because your past is what made you into the brilliant man before me.”

Kaidan stepped back and turned Shepard around. He looked happily into Shepard’s eyes, and the Commander could feel the love Kaidan was projecting to him. “But I do know one thing, Shepard. You will be a great parent, and your own parents must have done something right to make you into the man you are. Or hell, maybe they didn’t do a damn thing and this is all your own making. But _you_ are what is going to make you a great parent, not them.” Shepard pulled Kaidan down for a kiss, and the Major tried not to notice the tear trails on Shepard’s face.

“Oh, and Commander?” Kaidan brought a hand up to wipe away Shepard’s tears, “Doe definitely fits.”


End file.
